Articles by Robert Benjamin

On American Arrogance: Styles of Mediation
A comment to one of my columns, “War and Negotiation: Lessons From the Europeans” drew the apparent anger and animus of at least one European, Christiana from the Netherlands (12/13/07). I found her response somewhat baffling, but the article apparently touched a nerve that is seldom discussed and worthy of discussion.

Of War and Negotiation: Lessons From The Europeans (Part 1)
This series of articles is extracted from a longer article titled, “Of War and Negotiation,” and originally developed from a keynote address presented at the European Mediation Conference in the City Hall of Vienna, Austria, September 28, 2007.    4 Comments

Jim Melamed is 2007 Recipient of ACR John Haynes Distinguished Mediator Award: A Tribute and Lament on the Field of Mediation
Writing this tribute to Jim Melamed is an honor, even if a troubling one. On the one hand, there could not be a more fitting recipient for this particular award, named for John Haynes, than Jim Melamed, the CEO and co-founder with John Helie of Mediate.com. The work for which both the recipient and the namesake of this award are known highlights what has been most compelling and important about the field of conflict mediation. On the other hand, this award can also not help but highlight the ebbing of the energy that first gave rise to mediation practice and a falling away from some of the first principles. What John Haynes was, and Jim Melamed continues to be, is a tireless entrepreneur doing the critically important work of selling mediation in a culture that does not exactly welcome the idea of negotiating differences with open arms.    2 Comments

The Beauty of Conflict: Art Lessons, Lateral Thinking, and Creative Problem Solving
Viewing art -- painting, sculpture and photography -- is a valuable learning method for mediators to develop their intuitive sensibilities and problem solving ability; to learn to 'think out of the box ' and work creatively, not just talk about it. Many great artists from Titian, Gentileschi and Caravaggio in the Renaissance to Picasso, Goya and Richter in present times have dealt with the same issues presented in conflict mediation: bias, perspective and authenticity, among others. The article won the Wisconsin Association of Mediators, Mediation Journal, Charles "Chic" Nichol Award in February, 2007.    3 Comments

Safety Is Risky Business
There is, as Edward Tenner terms it, a ‘revenge effect,’ an unintended consequence to this relentless pursuit of safety: more conflict, greater threats, and the attraction of greater risk-taking.

Reel Negotiation: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly Reflections Of Negotiation And Mediation In Film
The visual experience of watching movie scenes is, needless to say, a great learning tool that helps to illustrate, clarify or frame the discussion not only about negotiation and mediation, strategies, techniques and skills, but approaches to problem solving and leadership as well. Many of our favorites are listed below with brief annotations as to why and how we think they might be helpful, along with references to articles and reviews of a few movies that are especially important.    3 Comments

The ‘Truthiness’ Virus Has Infected The Conflict Management Field
‘Truthiness’--- spell check does not yet recognize the word--- is that quality of a statement, or pontification, that because it feels and sounds right is presumed and presented to be the truth. ‘Truthiness,’ as Steven Colbert (The Colbert Report) regularly observes in his biting satire of overly botoxed and perfectly coiffed media journalists in general, and twaddle spewing pundits in particular, has become the coin of the realm.    5 Comments

Sid Lezak: Rabbi Without Portfolio
Lezak could have been a character right out of a story by his contemporary, the great Chicago writer, Studs Terkel. An unassuming guy, who by his telling just fell into being the United States Attorney and remained through six administrations, both Democrat and Republican. He continued until his dying day to be respected by officials of every faith, race and political affiliation. He was the face of justice through some of the roughest times in our country’s history, making hard decisions and enforcing the law, without losing his bearings. For him, the rule of law was necessarily tempered by compassion and common sense. That’s what made him so exceptional, especially in this day and age. As he, himself, suggested, that’s also what drew him to practice mediation.

Film Review: Thank You For Smoking Offers An Advanced Tutorial in Negotiation Strategies and Ethics
The film forces us to focus on the nature of message ‘spinning,’ word twisting, and other communication and negotiation strategies used as much to confuse as to clarify. This is the stuff of advocating, selling, and persuading with which we are bombarded daily in our ‘infomercial’ society. In watching the movie, the viewer is obligated to separate the strategies and techniques of influencing from the purposes and ends to which they are placed in service. The fact that manipulative and deceptive strategies are used is less troubling than whether it is being done for good or ill.    1 Comment

Congressman John Lewis Receives ABA DR Section Lifetime Achievement Award
Congressman John Lewis, long-time Georgia representative and national civil rights leader, received the American Bar Association Dispute Resolution Section's Lifetime Achievement Award at the Section's annual meeting in Atlanta (April 2006). Read about Congressman Lewis' remarkable life and watch his acceptance speech and interview!

Has Mediation Crashed?
A story picked up from the Associated Press that was published by The Seattle Times on March 2, 2006 is titled “Oregon Teen Heads to Juvenile Detention For Pinching Another Boy’s Nipple.” Reading this, I’m already up in arms when it gets worse. It appears from the article as if this youth has been in a mediation program that required the “offender” to describe his “crime” in detail and explain his “thinking errors.” My worst fears surge forward as I conjure up images of Stalinesque tactics and a government bureau of thought police.    4 Comments

Interview of Stephanie Coontz
This is an interview with Stephanie Coontz on the role of negotiation in marriage, family and divorce. Stephanie Coontz is a Professor of History and Family Studies at Evergreen State College in Evergreen, Washington, and the Director of Public Education for the Council on Contemporary Families. She is the author of "Marriage, A History" (2005), "The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalga Trap" (1993) and "The Way We Really Are: Ending the War Over America’s Changing Famliies" (1998).

Should We Negotiate with Hamas? Interview with Former Israeli Foreign Minister Shlomo Ben-Ami
The prevalent view about negotiation with Hamas is to take a tough stance. This is an interview with former Israeli Foreign Minister Shlomo Ben-Ami who thinks otherwise. He thinks we can do business with Hamas and we can negotiate. Here are Mr. Ben-Ami's pertinent comments drawn from a debate between him and another expert on the Israeli-Palestinian history, Norman Finkelstein, sponsored by Democracy Now, and moderated by Amy Goodman on February 14, 2006.    1 Comment

Character Traits Of Working Dogs And Conflict Mediators: ‘Systematic Intuition’ And Tenacity
Conflict mediators are a strange breed. The best ones, not unlike police or firefighters, are drawn to manage difficult situations and heated controversies that most other people would just as soon avoid. Interviewing close to fifty recognized conflict management practitioners and teachers over the last two years for the Mediate.Com video series, “The Mediators: Views From the Eye of the Storm,” offered me a unique perspective and the opportunity to make some observations about the shared character traits of those drawn to what may yet become a recognized field.    1 Comment

Our Once and (Dimming?) Future Hope for a Professional Home: Peter Adler’s Letter to the Board of ACR
This article is the second of a series devoted to the state of ACR. In the first article, “Dirty Little Secrets,” gives the background and sets context. In short, many feel ACR is in serious trouble and, if it is not already too late, there needs to be a serious discussion about ACR's future.    3 Comments

Dirty Little Secrets: ACR's “Girly Man” Non-Controversy
This article is the first of a series devoted to the state of The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR).    10 Comments

Our Culture of Conflict: Snorts and Retorts of an Untamed Brat
I found an article in the New York Times a few weeks ago quite aggravating. It was about the boorish behavior of health club members and how incidents of discourteous and downright hostile actions were increasing. The topic is revealing, not so much in itself, but as an important microcosm within which to consider how we are encouraged to think about and handle conflicts and disputes in our culture. There is a carry over effect: how we deal with day to day disputes sets the tone for how we handle more important conflicts in our personal lives, workplaces, schools and in the world.    2 Comments

The Mediator as Moralist Bully
As a presenter, I’d always wondered when I would be found out—maybe this audience would discover that I was living a lie: when I was a child I had been a bully. That’s not all. There are times I could qualify for being ‘abusive,’ certainly ‘passive-aggressive,’ and even that new descriptor that effortlessly rolls off the tongues of so many of my colleagues, the “Narcissistic Personal Disorder.” That fit me too. Would they see it?    6 Comments

Confessions of a Tamed Cynic -- Review of The Moral Imagination by John Paul Lederach
The Moral Imagination struck a number of my most sensitive nerves. By the time I finished reading and had taken some time to consider the scope and depth of this work, I was appreciative (and not a little envious) of John Paul’s optimism, especially because it was not borne of naïveté or rooted in some ‘cockeyed’ ideology of how people should be. Rather, Lederach works with the realpolitik of the situations in which he is engaged without allowing his thinking to be constrained by fatalist notions that nothing can change.    1 Comment

Schindler v. Schiavo: The Real Negotiation for Your Soul
We like our fights clearly drawn so we can choose sides in the resulting crusade. This is a Passion Play, if ever there was one. The script follows almost to the word the original of the torture and crucifixion of Christ. The innocent sacrificial victim is known. All the rest of us have to do is decide who we are: the Roman persecutors or the Christian protectors. Of course, what’s a Passion Play without the betrayers, in this case, those would be anyone who might counsel negotiation.    5 Comments

Hotel Rwanda and the Guerrilla Negotiator
Hotel Rwanda should not be missed by anyone committed to the study and practice of negotiation and mediation of conflict. While in the docudrama genre along with “The Killing Fields” (1984), and “Schindler’s List (1993), this film is unusual in that it pays careful attention to the negotiation process in the most difficult of circumstances. The backdrop is the 1994 ethnic strife that took place in Rwanda when the ruling Hutu tribe slaughtered, mostly by the use of machetes, some 800,000 Tutsis over a 100 day period.    6 Comments

From The Horses Mouth: On The Nature Of Equine And Human Negotiations
If you are among those who have no interest, fascination or appreciation of horses, and can not fathom what possible relevance these beasts might have to a better understanding of negotiation, read no further; this column is not for you. If on the other hand, whether from near or afar, the power, grace and downright beauty of these animals holds your gaze and fascination, then you might be drawn to consider what is to be gleaned from studying not only their physical presence but their nature as well. We humans have more in common with horses than we might think.    3 Comments

Style Wars And Other Little Hypocrisies
If we do our work well as mediators, we ask clients hard questions, why won’t we ask them of ourselves? I have concerns about lawyers who appear to want to legalize mediation beyond recognition, mediators more intent on being spiritual guides than engaged third parties, and mediators so preoccupied with party self determination that they offer little useful leadership. Along with others, those discussions are likely to be difficult but necessary, but with our skills should be manageable without personal attack.    10 Comments

Negotiation Fables For Children And Adults
Sometimes fables can be necessary and useful. But if they lull us into a false sense of security or competency, that can be risky business.    3 Comments

Dogs As Conflict Mediators
I stumbled upon the value of canine co-mediators quite by accident. Some years ago, both my dogs were present in a session with two Ph.D. psychologists in the throes of a divorce. Since then, there have been countless other examples revealing their talent as conflict mediators.    8 Comments

About Rules: Between Don't Ask-Don't Tell and Zero Tolerance
The heart of mediation and facilitation practice is about where to draw lines, and when to 'hold' or 'fold' in the stringency of rule formulation and application. Managing that tension takes place in the terrain between principled adherence to 'zero tolerance' and the necessary pragmatism of 'don't ask, don't tell'. It is not an easy place to be. At one extreme, is the murkiness of no rules where little is clear, and at the other extreme, the risk of unwarranted optimism that rules will make all things clear. Not surprisingly, there are no clear rules, only choices.    2 Comments

The Problem With “Peace”: The Art Of William Kentridge
The term peace is thrown around lightly and allowed to slip by as an innocuous social convention. But there is a hidden and real risk of some consequence. Not only does the expression disguise a deep and abiding hypocrisy, perhaps more perniciously, it distracts us from the immediate hard work that needs to be done to survive daily conflicts. Managing disputes and aiding in the settlement of controversies has little to do with bringing about peace on earth. Pretending otherwise, can be unhelpful, if not downright harmful.    5 Comments

The Geo-political Factor In Negotiation
Consider the prospect that people in their daily negotiations take their cues from how they see conflict managed on the national and international stage. The negotiation strategies and techniques they see practiced by so called master negotiators in the management of issues and conflicts throughout the world seep into the thinking and approach of negotiators and mediators everywhere.    1 Comment

On Sex And Negotiation: An Editorial
Effective negotiation often requires the seductive charm of sex, the nurturing and support of good parenting, and the ability to connect with people and hear their meaning through or in spite of their words.    3 Comments

The Authenticity Requirement And The Necessity For Deception In Negotiation: The Paradox
Be it in a game of poker, politics, personal relationships, or professional dealings, one is effective player or performer in direct correlation with their ability to present themselves as authentic. Trust, integrity and most other noble virtues are gauged by the appearance of authenticity----so, ironically, is the ability to effectively deceive or “con” someone.

Terry Waite: A Study In Authenticity
Terry Waite, is a hostage negotiator of international fame who knows both sides; after gaining the release of hostages in Libya, he himself was held hostage by a militant group in the Middle East for five years. The personal resolve and bearing that saw him through both situations offer important lessons worthy of note by all negotiators.

Gut Instinct: A Mediator Prepares
Mediation is commonly touted as a rational enterprise. Most people—and many mediators--- see it as essentially head stuff where parties come and reason together. As the field matures and mediator qualifications are considered, invariably training regimens focus on legal, psychological and financial knowledge. Some would go so far as to require degrees. Those credentials are useful. However, my fear is, that formal education and training are being given an undue emphasis and tending to displace the development of intuitive abilities and instinctual understanding.    8 Comments

Mediation As Theater And Negotiation As Performance Art
Regardless of context, every conflict is a Passion Play of sorts, be it a divorce or business dispute This view offers some insights into the nature of conflict and the role of the mediator.    3 Comments

The Script For September 11-The Real Movie
On that Tuesday morning, I woke up to NPR and heard the words, ....plane....World Trade Center....Pentagon....crash... terrorists..., and like most people, could not quite comprehend what was happening nor the catastrophic enormity of the event. It felt like I came in late to a movie— a bad movie.

On Revenge
Despite our rage, not out of moral or humanistic belief but from practical experience, we also recognize that our anger unleashed will make the situation worse. The violence— at last count, some 6,714 innocent civilians missing or dead---– cannot be left unanswered. Conversely, we also know that doing what seems most simple and obvious will make matters far worse. It leaves us twisted and confused and stuck on the horns of a profound dilemma.    4 Comments

The Uniform Mediation Act: A Trojan Horse?
For some, congealing a uniform understanding of mediation practice and standards gives a long-desired sense of symmetry and legitimacy that purports to fend off the chaos and confusion of multiple views and disparate statutory schemas that looms over the field. Overall, that purpose is not without some merit. Yet, some skepticism remains over the ramifications and implications of the UMA. Is the Act like a Trojan Horse, holding within its' belly foreign agents poised to descend on the field?    3 Comments

Mediators as Peacemakers: The Revenge Effect
The revenge effect holds special potency and poignancy for mediators. If a mediator presumes to teach nonviolence and purports to seek peace, then if peace and nonviolence do not come about, the result may be an intensified sense of despair and more conflict.

The Ethics of Ethics
This is the inaugural column of what is to be a regular feature at www.mediate.com, The Ethics Forum. Because Mediate.com has become an important resource and much frequented location in the conflict management community, it seemed only appropriate that there be a regular place dedicated to the discussion of professional and ethical concerns and issues of practice. I am honored to be the first editor of the Ethics Forum.    2 Comments

On Being Too Fussy About Values In Mediation: Consider The Hedgehog And The Fox
The origins of the mediation profession are anchored in the practical necessity of managing disputes. But mediators, as all human beings, have a need to imbue their work with special meaning--it is part of our evolutionary biology and psychology. Undergirding practice with value structures can be beneficial and give greater focus and depth to our everyday work, but there are risks.

The Movies- Constructions Of Reality And Sources Of Metaphors
You can still go to movies for pure entertainment and "escapism," but don't disregard the impact of movies on our culture and miss the opportunity to draw from them lines, meanings, and metaphors that are useful in your mediation practice.    1 Comment

The Natural Mediator
I think that what many say the character traits of a good mediator should be are not what they actually are. In contrast to the conventional belief of which traits make a good mediator, I have distilled four important attributes of the natural mediator.    4 Comments

The Risks Of Neutrality - Reconsidering The Term And Concept
As mediators, we seem to be drawn to the word "neutral" as a descriptive term for what we do and as a conceptual frame for our professional role. Beyond the theoretical discussion, however, there are some very practical risks for mediators to consider in continuing to describe themselves as neutrals.    5 Comments

Guerilla Mediation: The Use of Warfare Strategies in the Management of Conflict
If mediation is seen as appropriate only when parties exhibit a collaborative, cooperative and humanistic demeanor, then mediation will apply in only a tiny number of disputes.    1 Comment

A Critique of Mediation, Challenging Misconceptions, Assessing Risks, And Weighing The Advantages
Parties are often confused and fearful of losing their rights and being taken advantage of. Lawyers frequently believe their clients will be at risk, and they will lose business. Courts must be sensitive to monitoring fairness and the rule of law, and moving cases. Mental health professionals like the concept of settling conflicts in a less adversarial manner, but they are concerned for their clients well being and often confuse mediation with counseling. And, mediators run the risk of overselling themselves and the process and sometimes are not clear about their role as a mediator as opposed to a counselor, lawyer, or other expert.

Mediation as a Subversive Activity
Mediation is inherently at odds with the established legal system. Mediation was originally conceived and borne out of the circumstantial necessity to give disputing parties a way around being intruded upon by courts, lawyers or other professionals who otherwise presumed to know better for them and their children what they should do.